The last smoke was on Sept 2nd, 2009.. and that's that. Moving on now.
I thing that defiantly is affecting life is the lack of motivation to do anything. Not wanting to do pretty much anything. It is to the n-th extent.. that is not even wanting to lay back and relax, because it seems like I am incapable of relaxing. Hope things are going to get better as time passes.
So far to help with that I have been trying the following.
1. Trying to meditate.
2. Doing daily walks, at least weekdays for about 1.5 mile around the block.
Feel like I need a break, need a break from life all together. Just want to be able to take off to a pristine place and forget the rest of the world. But not sure if it is a possibility or just a dream.
Looking to learn on meditation, read on the web some. There stumbled accross these so called tutor organizations who charge a heafty money to teach their personal way to meditate tecniques. Surely does not justify what I personally am looking for in a teacher.. who seems more after money and fame than provide good guidance. Then someone suggested an organization under Yogananda paramahansa. Called one of their centers and received a call back in return. Am supposed to go to their website and send them around 10 bucks for which they will send some material which would help in the practice. Also one more name popped up Nityananda paramahansa. Watched some of his you tube video.. Seems interesting and genuine... and helps in personal journey.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Today is the second day.
Ok, so I am not saying it worked out front... because, well... after that blog it kind of worked over the weekend, then came monday... work day... and I did. So did Tuesday. Then put breaks on Wed... and today is Thurs. So, it is starting... admittedly on and off... but will surely do it no matter what.
I had heard once someone say something like.... When we say it is not complete until it is complete it goes without saying that you have not failed until you have failed (stopped trying)... I still am trying.
Anyhow, may be I should start looking for other stuff to write over here...
I had heard once someone say something like.... When we say it is not complete until it is complete it goes without saying that you have not failed until you have failed (stopped trying)... I still am trying.
Anyhow, may be I should start looking for other stuff to write over here...
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Smoking contines...
It has been 2 weeks since my last blog, and the smoking continues. Again the same promise to myself... today will be the last day. Again am planning on going to the religious place of worship tonight, and will surely ask the lord to bless me with the courage and strength to stop this madness once and for all.
.......... Hopefully and with a lot of hope.. just hope, not a commitment which is sad, but anyhow.. with lots of hope when I blog the next time wish I would say with a cheering gesture.. that it worked!! and I quit smoking since so many days.... weeks..... years..... decades...... lifetime....
Hope!
.......... Hopefully and with a lot of hope.. just hope, not a commitment which is sad, but anyhow.. with lots of hope when I blog the next time wish I would say with a cheering gesture.. that it worked!! and I quit smoking since so many days.... weeks..... years..... decades...... lifetime....
Hope!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Ok.. so, it only lasted a week. What next..
Well, the smoking saga... It only lasted a week this time. Started on a Tuesday and ended on the following tuesday. So I am back to smoking since the past 3 days. 2 on Tuesday, 4 on Wednesday and so far 2 today (I think I will do 2 more today).
But here we go again... That's it. No more. Tonight I am going for a religious visit and intend to ask for the blessings of the great one to help me quit for good. But, afraid though... Afraid because if I beg for His forgiveness for doing it in the first place... and then ask for the strength to quit again. Well, I believe for sure that the blessings will be there, they are always there... but what if I do end up going back... Then it is like dis-respecting the holy one.
Isn't that really so very twisted. I mean... donno what I mean. It's just one thing for certain. That is I have to quit doing this to myself. Am killing myself.. more mentally torturing over an issue that doesn't even need a mention. But what can I do, what to do.. what to do...
But here we go again... That's it. No more. Tonight I am going for a religious visit and intend to ask for the blessings of the great one to help me quit for good. But, afraid though... Afraid because if I beg for His forgiveness for doing it in the first place... and then ask for the strength to quit again. Well, I believe for sure that the blessings will be there, they are always there... but what if I do end up going back... Then it is like dis-respecting the holy one.
Isn't that really so very twisted. I mean... donno what I mean. It's just one thing for certain. That is I have to quit doing this to myself. Am killing myself.. more mentally torturing over an issue that doesn't even need a mention. But what can I do, what to do.. what to do...
Monday, August 3, 2009
The Quit Smoking saga continues.
So, the last post as I was reading a minute back was my previous attempt to quit smoking. Well, here is how it worked out.. I did do fairly well that time. I went for a total of 34 days without smoking then. And then went back... missed my steps. Well, here is kind of the analysis of that.. It was a friday, and I was off smoking for 34 days. There was a lunch outing at the office, and I was sitting with a few of my colleagues... unfortunately the place where we were sitting also happens to be the designated smoking area. And we watched someone smoke, and happened to strike a conversation about smoking.. I distinctly remember admitting to others that I USED TO smoke, and have quit. Feeling very proud and happy about the whole thing. Also was sharing my thoughts saying "It's one of the bad things I would not wish for even the worst of my enemies". The next day was Saturday, and there was kind of a small argument at home.
That's it, the stage was all set... Feeling over confident that I did quit, and a reason to enjoy one (only one) reason being...... well there was really no reason, call it self pity.. call it over confidence.. call it what ever. I did go to the nearby store, bought a pack and lighted one. That's all that was required. Next day.. Sunday it was 2. Third day... there was no stopping, for it was Monday and I had to be at my best at the office.. can't afford to loose doing office work. Hectic work... what ever. 4 that day.. and on and on. One reason behind the other.. it continued. In between here and there I did manage to quit for a day once and for 2 days on another occasion. But that's it.
Now here is the next attempt. The last time I did was on Tuesday and today is Monday. Again, the hardest day was day 2 that was Thursday. In fact, on Thursday... I did take my car keys and started heading towards the store to buy the smokes.. but somehow managed to stop myself.
Ah.. one more point to note though. This time, here was kind of the motivator. I had visited Steve Pavlina's website on Tuesday... and listened to couple of his audio podcast entries. One particular one that kind of wanted to try out was "StevePavlina.com Podcast #005 - Beliefs". In this one he kind of talks about working on one's beliefs to bring out positive results... Well, skeptical at first... kind of told myself that I believe that I can and will do this. Quit smoking... and held (holding) on to the thought that "I intend to quit smoking for good"... Seems to be working so far. Here guess am supposed to be summonning the help of the universe to re-arrange things around and situations around that would make things happen the way I intend them to. And the skepticism can be seen in the way I say that.. that is "SUPPOSED TO"... well... anyhow....
Guess will try to update you guys in a few days. Till then, wish me the very best of luck.
That's it, the stage was all set... Feeling over confident that I did quit, and a reason to enjoy one (only one) reason being...... well there was really no reason, call it self pity.. call it over confidence.. call it what ever. I did go to the nearby store, bought a pack and lighted one. That's all that was required. Next day.. Sunday it was 2. Third day... there was no stopping, for it was Monday and I had to be at my best at the office.. can't afford to loose doing office work. Hectic work... what ever. 4 that day.. and on and on. One reason behind the other.. it continued. In between here and there I did manage to quit for a day once and for 2 days on another occasion. But that's it.
Now here is the next attempt. The last time I did was on Tuesday and today is Monday. Again, the hardest day was day 2 that was Thursday. In fact, on Thursday... I did take my car keys and started heading towards the store to buy the smokes.. but somehow managed to stop myself.
Ah.. one more point to note though. This time, here was kind of the motivator. I had visited Steve Pavlina's website on Tuesday... and listened to couple of his audio podcast entries. One particular one that kind of wanted to try out was "StevePavlina.com Podcast #005 - Beliefs". In this one he kind of talks about working on one's beliefs to bring out positive results... Well, skeptical at first... kind of told myself that I believe that I can and will do this. Quit smoking... and held (holding) on to the thought that "I intend to quit smoking for good"... Seems to be working so far. Here guess am supposed to be summonning the help of the universe to re-arrange things around and situations around that would make things happen the way I intend them to. And the skepticism can be seen in the way I say that.. that is "SUPPOSED TO"... well... anyhow....
Guess will try to update you guys in a few days. Till then, wish me the very best of luck.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Another attempt to quit smoking.
Ok, today is the fourth day I have managed to keep myself away from smoking. This is surely not the first time I have tried to quit, but here is how it has been so far...
Day 1 (Sunday): It was fairly easy... I actually came into the office to work some, but no good luck... Instead came in to the office and watched a whole lot of Tailspin cartoon on youtube. Then it was back to home in the afternoon. There was not much of a craving as such, it was mostly self pity.
Day 2 : Now the heat is on. It was a lot of self pity, and a lot of craving also. Mind was not in my control... Constantly annoyed with anything and everything. Kept thinking about having a smoke, but kept trying to push it.. trying to avoid thinking about it, and trying to give myself some pep talk.
Day 3: It was surly better then day 2, but still no work. Not a single act of work happened.... From office work perspective it was a wasted day all together. Again, kept giving pep talks and avoided the bad habit. Kept feeling very sad, lonely and jealous.. Very jealous of everyone and everything. Went home and tried doing some yard work. That helped. Also this day morning got up a tiny bit earlier then usual and did about 20 mins of meditation. Not very successful, but tried at least.
Day 4 (Today)..... Again today got up a bit early, and did about 22 mins of meditation. Mind is getting better in control. Actually touched very very briefly... but surely did touch on a little bit of work today. But, not satisfied... and feeling sad. Mind was better in the morning, felt like things were finally getting better then, but now in the afternoon... just wanting the day to be over and want to go home very badly.
Day 1 (Sunday): It was fairly easy... I actually came into the office to work some, but no good luck... Instead came in to the office and watched a whole lot of Tailspin cartoon on youtube. Then it was back to home in the afternoon. There was not much of a craving as such, it was mostly self pity.
Day 2 : Now the heat is on. It was a lot of self pity, and a lot of craving also. Mind was not in my control... Constantly annoyed with anything and everything. Kept thinking about having a smoke, but kept trying to push it.. trying to avoid thinking about it, and trying to give myself some pep talk.
Day 3: It was surly better then day 2, but still no work. Not a single act of work happened.... From office work perspective it was a wasted day all together. Again, kept giving pep talks and avoided the bad habit. Kept feeling very sad, lonely and jealous.. Very jealous of everyone and everything. Went home and tried doing some yard work. That helped. Also this day morning got up a tiny bit earlier then usual and did about 20 mins of meditation. Not very successful, but tried at least.
Day 4 (Today)..... Again today got up a bit early, and did about 22 mins of meditation. Mind is getting better in control. Actually touched very very briefly... but surely did touch on a little bit of work today. But, not satisfied... and feeling sad. Mind was better in the morning, felt like things were finally getting better then, but now in the afternoon... just wanting the day to be over and want to go home very badly.
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